Wednesday, July 31, 2002 :::
2ish, so the day's half over.
I called ellen fujawa and she called me back and we had a nice chat and made progress.
I made three looking for work calls, nothing.
I revamped the files section in /joellsparty and went over some of the mzw stuff so i'd be more ready to do a to-do list of what is the next step.
I wasted some time writing to www.jewishcheerleaders.com.
I will take a bath, have a 3rd cup of coffee, figure out how to blow the rest of the day, maybe outline a couple temporary injunction motions. and or go thru the bills finally.
NEED TO: find out when the hearing is about 201 eastern, draft a lawsuit.
6 pm edit:
sent email to fujawa. 1.0 hours. made a call re a job, will go tomorrow to register with yet another agency. that was the plan after all.
oh, and this time i was able to get into uncle willie's soapbox, so i have a new playground.
4-5 it was unbearbaly hot so i tried a siesta, got no sleep but a little rest.
::: posted by gt at 12:06 PM
called ellen fujowa left that message about having a hard time getting in touch with you. had the bicarb and the coffee.
i'm sure if there were pot in the house i'd use it. so far today i've done two of the things that would have been on my list if i'd made a list, so there's some potential for having a productive day.
::: posted by gt at 6:38 AM
stuff i could do today but won't, let's put it that way, might be less threatening than calling it stuff i must really must get done today.
go through bills.
call ellen fujowa 233 4386 .. damn! i can feel my stomach knotting up and i don't think it's hunger, i think the idea of facing these chores is bringing on the anxiety.
ick. ick. ick.
so even trying to rationally plan my day triggers defense mechanisms, so the only thing that makes me feel safe and ok is to do nothing and just vegetate like i did all week. at least recognizing that pattern is a good thing. i think about the year i was 21 and was doing this without knowing it, same as when i was a kid, as long as i had my nose in a book life wasn't so bad.
i guess i'll go read the paper and see if that relaxes me.
current dillemna is whether to have coffee with the paper .. i was drinking coffee all day long yesterday... think for now i'll try some bicarbonate of soda instead.
::: posted by gt at 6:24 AM
wednesday. woke up at 5 am went to sleep at 2. so maybe i'm not sleeping enough, not eating much, aren't those signs my depression is returning?
so far today i've added cases back in to the joellsparty page. maybe i'll get stuff done today - it's been over a week since i did any useful work. i should make a to do list and a dtl, i don't feel that motivated yet. wonder what the resistance is to an organizational task like that? i ended up not going out to kareoke last night, which means i never left the house except to take out some trash.
that means i probably never got dressed. today is wednesday but maybe i should treat it like its a monday, like it's time to wake up and get up and get motivated. i'm pretty sure i couldn't get back to sleep if i tried. of course, maybe i would sleep better if
i did something physical. spent yesterday wanting to get high. don't feel that way right now.
had one brief episode of the acute depression last week, it only lasted, no more than 20 minutes but it was my excuse to do nothing that day. i'm feeling alot of anxiety over the whole health department situation. they are about to tear down 201 eastern, and i had another threatening call from tom sitler yesterday.
::: posted by gt at 6:19 AM
Tuesday, July 30, 2002 :::
forgive me father, it's been two months, almost, since my last blog.
i've spent the past week at
http://www.wilwheaton.com
which is a very cool blog, but it never made me think of coming here to work on my own.
but then i followed a couple of links.. there's a fair amount of porn two degrees of separation from uncle willie's..
and wound up at a blog at http://www.jewishcheerleaders.com
guy is an ok writer and has a story to tell about his career in porn.
ugly as hell but that's not the point.
exactly what it was that made me come here, what i might have wanted to say, i don't remember.
but it's getting to be time to stop reading and start writing.
today is tuesday.
last night i was at the unicorn and fondled jackie a little. had the fourth gin and tonic which i'm not allowed to so today i was not hung over but woke up a little queasy. felt that way yesterday too but hadn't had a drink.
sunday i had a dozen nude guys over who wanted to have sex with me and all i could think about was wishing i could come back upstairs and read some more will or see if i had mail.
glad i found this site as there's nothing much new on any of the boards i'm following.
i'll stop here to keep this short enough that it might not get eaten.
::: posted by gt at 12:01 PM
